Need some answers.......

Had a couple of thoughts that I would need some answers for.....

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
How does Santaclaus get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?
If you get cheated by the better business bureau, whom do you complain to?
If you're in hell, and you are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?
Why are turds pinched off at the end? [sorry]
You can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed, but can you just be just whelmed?
If you take an oriental person and spin him around, does he become disoriented?
How come overtones and undertones are the same thing?
What would you use to dilute water?
What should one call a male ladybird?
How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?
If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the government, where would they send you?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Can you get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling "Movie" "Movie" ?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

And finally, why is it called an asteroid when its outside, but called a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

Any thoughts on these would be appreciated......