Al Gore Caught Warming Globe To Increase Box Office Profits

This is quite an old one but a good one......

With due apologies Al

Dozens of eyewitness reports indicated that former vice president Al Gore deliberately attempted to raise the earth's temperature in order to boost box office receipts for An Inconvenient Truth, his documentary film about global warming that was released in May.

DESPERATE MEASURES




Former vice president Al Gore takes a flamethrower to the Ross Ice Shelf in Antarctica to boost weekend ticket sales for An Inconvenient Truth.

"We have accounts from concerned citizens that Mr. Gore purchased a Cadillac Escalade SUV several months before [his film] opened in theaters," said Kimberly Blume, spokeswoman for the California-based environmental group Friends Of The Earth. "Not only did Mr. Gore use his new gas-guzzler to make short trips to the grocery store, he also left the vehicle running 24 hours a day in the driveway of his Tennessee home with the air-conditioning on full-blast."

In the weeks following the film's release, witnesses reported additional sightings of Gore engaging in activities such as discharging can after can of 1980s-era, CFC-laden aerosol into the air, and single-handedly clear-cutting over 6,000 acres of Amazon rain forest.

Gore is also rumored to have set a four-acre tire fire outside Akron, OH, and ordered his Secret Service detail to shoot on sight anyone who attempts to put it out.

"It's sad to see a man we thought was a passionate defender of the environment despoiling it for his own monetary gain," Blume said.

Blume said that she and many environmentalists had momentarily expressed relief in late November when Gore appeared to cease his months-long practice of dismantling old refrigerators in order to release ozone-destroying freon into the atmosphere. Blume soon learned, however, that Gore had resumed the activity in Antarctica, where the earth's ozone layer is most fragile.

Environmental groups have called for the federal government to step in and put a stop to Gore's actions, but officials say they do not have the power to stop him.

"There is no legal recourse anyone can take against the former vice president," Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Stephen L. Johnson said. "Mr. Gore is well within the emissions standards set by the current administration."

By year's end, Gore failed to slow his assault on the planet's delicately balanced climate systems. Satellite surveillance revealed what many believe to be a snowshoed Gore jumping up and down on an ice shelf in Greenland, chainsawing glaciers in the Alaskan wild, and urinating in the Gulf Stream waters off the coast of Newfoundland.

News Clip From Onion.Com [December 18, 2006 | Issue 42•51 ]

V.P.-Turned- Environmentalist Al Gore Creates Frenzy At U. Of T.

News blog ;

He's a former Vice-President of the United States.

His movie, "An Inconvenient Truth", is up for an Oscar.

And he's the poster boy for the environment - printed on recycled paper of course.

All of which is making Al Gore a hot ticket in Toronto.

The American politician turned environmentalist came to the University of Toronto, Wednesday night for a long awaited speech, and there were throngs of fans to greet him.

So were ticket scalpers, who are seeing a different type of green. Reports indicate more than 20,000 people were trying to get their hands on a ducat for the event. But there's only room for 1,500 of them inside.

What tickets there were originally cost $20. They sold out almost immediately.

"We had about 23,000 hits on our website, which of course collapsed the website because we couldn't sustain it," muses the University of Toronto's Ingrid Stefanovic. "So there's been a huge enthusiasm for the event."

And not just huge but expensive. The demand was so high that on the Internet auction site Craig's List, people were offering up to $500 for a single pass.

And that was too much for one man to resist. "I was going to give it to my colleague for 20 bucks, and I told him, hey, I'm a student," the unnamed audience member relates. "Someone else is giving me $200. He says 'okay, go ahead and sell it for $200.'"

"It's like a boy band or something coming to town because people just are clamouring to see Al Gore," laughs Catherine Febria. "It's kind of funny."

Cameras weren't allowed inside, but those who paid to listern to him speak were impressed.

"He was powerful," said one fan. "It was from the heart. It was unbelievable."

Gore sees the Great White North as a key cog in the environmental solution, but he's not happy with the Conservatives' plan to quash the Kyoto protocols.

"Canada, in the past, has always been known for its leadership," he assesses shortly after arriving at the campus. "And I think now is a time when some people put a question mark after Canada on this."

Gore can only wish U.S. voters were as intense and interested in him during the 2000 U.S. election, which he lost to George W. Bush. That put an end to his political career and launched him on a new environmental path.

And judging by Wednesday's response, many are apparently eager to follow him wherever it leads.

To see unedited video of Gore... CLICK HERE